oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
