Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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