HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
