Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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