youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
