Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
