Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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