He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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