erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
