maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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