I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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