It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
