If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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