Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
