the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
