Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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