True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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