Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
