His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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