Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When are your genitals available?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
