Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
