UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
