Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
