Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
