Have you finally orgasmed yet?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
