I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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