New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
