Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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