well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
