In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Buhtt sex?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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