So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
pray to the hookup gods
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
