Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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