Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
