Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
