Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
