I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
