I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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