so that wasnt chicken after all
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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