How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
