Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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