Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just high enough for therapy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
