I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
