What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think my moral compass just broke
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
