Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
