is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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