You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
