dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I love having hate sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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