I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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