i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
