3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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